it ain't me, babe.

I feel like I'm never able to sleep anymore. I wish there was more to do this late. Not that it matters I guess, I'm awake but I'm so drained and brain dead to the world. I don't think I could hold a conversation right now. Actually, I don't feel much like talking at all today for that matter. But this sleep thing, it's got to go. I'm tired of laying in my bed staring at the ceiling.

"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more." -Woody Allen

This is the newest addition to our kitchen! Tonight, Steve, Scott and I had a basketball tournament. We played two one minute long sessions of free throw shots and whoever had the most points at the end won. Erin timed them, Rachel kept score. And guess who won? Meeee. It was good to feel active and energetic again! I love this living situation. Everyone here inspires me in different ways, whether it's intentional or not. I know I've learned not only a lot about myself, but also who I'm not. It's good to keep that in mind.

It scares me that this situation might change in the next week or two. I have no idea what's going to happen between now and then.

Making art went really well. Rachel used some water color colored pencils that were really cool, and she drew this really awesome guitar. I've been working on an idea for a couple of weeks- I want to take three 19" x 24" bristol boards and draw/paint them all with different feels, but with complimenting structures to them and then hang'em on the little bit of wall space I have and using them sort of as wallpaper. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for all three, but I was inspired by something I saw and started the outline of the first one three weeks ago. Today I did some of the outline of what I have drawn with pen&ink, and then used my ink set and my sumi brushes to fill in some color. I think I want this to be a mixed media piece. Anyways, this is how far I got. It's nothing special yet, but I thought it would be exciting to document my progress, especially since this is the first thing I've had motivation to do in a long while.

We'll see how it goes!

I gave three haircuts tonight haha. It started off with Erin's bangs, then turned into Rachel's bangs, which thennn turned into Andrew's hair.. I really wish I could do this for a living. I wish it was possible to go back to school for me because the only thing standing in my way right now is money. But the more I think about it, the more I realize how much smarter it would be to establish myself somewhere I know I'm going to be for a while, then persue barbering school. I really want to learn the basics and then expanding more towards hair dressing by taking my creativity and running with it. I also want to learn how to give ill fades!

The other day, during an interview, I was asked what my dream job is. I stuttered a bit coming up empty with an answer. But I think I know now.

I'm pretty sure that one of the only things that makes me smile anymore is Gatsby. He truly is my best friend. The only one who will never leave me, yell at me, make me cry, or stop needing me. It's comforting to know that where ever I go, he'll go. I could be anywhere in five years from now, but I know I'll have something constant in my life. Heeee's my babyboy.

Tonight is sort of a sad night. It's been a good one; a lot of good people and fun things. But there was a lot of me missing tonight, detached from reality. I need to really remind myself to be strong. Don't let it get the best of me. Tomorrow's a new day and the future looks bright. It's not the end of the world. (and repeat)

I just noticed it's 3:23am and that the the time and date of this post are incorrect.. I'm not sure why. I should definitely be asleep. WTF?!